Why do people succumb to anger?
It feels so easy to slip into its grasp. But at the same time, from a distance, it looks quite stupid. Aren't we overreacting? What's the point of hitting one another, yelling at one another, going to war with one another? Yet when are up close, immersed in anger, we feel nothing but blissful rage, if that makes sense. Sweet revenge empowers us. Makes us feel as if we are at the top of the world. Maybe it is a survival mechanism. But I sure wish it weren't.
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eau-minous
For PE elective I chose swimming. None of my friends from Freeman chose it. :[ We did 20 laps. I did mostly breaststroke 'cause my left ankle sent biting sharp pain when I did flutter kick in free or back.
After my 20 laps, I was ambling around. I said hi and scared She who sells seashells on the seafloor by coming up underwater between her and Deer. Seashells was teaching Deer how to do some strokes. After a bit, I went to the far end to do some divesss. Some people were hogging the real diving boards which are all springy, so I dived off the wall.
I like standing dives. You start feet on the ground, one leg bent, arms in the air, and you spring and end up flipping 180 degrees, so your hands are headed straight for the bottom. I went pretty deep until my ears started to cry in pain. So I came back up.
I started doing some more laps with Roo and her friends. I tried hanging around with them, but they didn't really seem to accept me, so I guess I can focus on building endurance on my own over the next few weeks.
The only problem with swimming is the showering. I have some nice smelling body wash I got with the Dove soap pack we got from Costco, along with some shampoo and conditioner from a hotel. :] 3 people borrowed from me... I hope I don't run out soon! I had to rush out of the shower to go to the CSF meeting today... It was not pretty. It's so hard to get your clothes on when you're wet and you don't have a changing stall.
I think it's not fair. People in swimming deserve some sort of stalls... And then when people change in the bathrooms to preserve their privacy, they get yelled at. Honestly, it's better to change in the bathroom than reveal yourself... :[
When I was doing my 20 laps, I realized that I hadn't swum since September. And that made me sad because I actually like swimming a lot even though I suck at it. It's calm, soothing, yet also fast as you rip through the water. I guess I chose swimming because I like water. And it was raining while we were swimming! FUNNNNNNNN IN THE RAINNNNN.
After school, I went to the optometrist's and then came home to realize I forgot my Lit Binder. I decided to bike to school to get it. As I rounded the curve on McC I realized that I had never gone down the treacherously steep hill on bike before. I decided to go for it anyways and downn I went. It was so MUCH FUNNN. The wind flew in my face, as I held onto the brakes for my life. I guess after you see kids biking down hill to get to school you get scared that it's dangerous. They come real close to the cars. But we all have to take some risks right? Or else life gets boring.
On the way back, I chilled at the creek. I spent some time by the big rock by the badminton courts and then by the steps by the butterfly place... I love the creek.
It feels good to be outside and doing something. I should bike more often. I also have to figure out how the heck the gears work. I felt overly tired... I think I was biking on the wrong gear. Most of the time I was on 3... Is that right?
My hair is turning light brown. I have a feeling it'll get lighter. Maybe I will be a dirty blonde by the end of the year... Haha Indian blonde. I'm with you HWLLDGI! :]
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disapointed
Yesterday, I was waiting for the email which would tell me whether or not I got into journo next year. And I didn't make it. I was slightly put down, but I guess I knew I wasn't really going to get in. I'll apply as an incoming senior and take photo next year then. :]
But I guess not everyone is able to take the rejection lightly. Stephelococcus took it lightly. But I could see DK's anguish at her rejection. I felt bad too. She was really into it, and really wanted to get into online.
It hurts to be turned down. How should we deal with it? Should we have been so attached to it in the first place? It hurts to be confident about something and have that thing turn around and give you a nasty shock. I'm okay though. I just hope everyone didn't take the rejection personally! There's always next year. And that time we'll get the priority. :D
Just went to a family friend's house. They had a pooja and lunch. But me and my bro were the only people out of the circle of friends there and we found ourselves sitting alone on the sofa with my dad. I guess once groups are formed, no one wants to come out of them. No one really goes out of their way to see if one person is comfortable. And it's really sad because we were good friends too. She sounded as if she wanted to be with the other people, yet she still stopped by to ask a few questions about school. I tried to have a convo with her friends. It lasted less than thirty seconds.
A week ago, I had called her maybe 4 times to ask about her experience with the night contacts I'm wearing. And I felt sad when she asked "what I wanted when I called so many times". This is why I don't like words. You use the wrong words and you get a whole meaning. Maybe you don't mean to sound rude or annoyed, but you still do. I still adore you as a friend. We've had good times. I just don't want our relationship to fall apart so hopelessly like this. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should have gone upstairs with the rest of the girls. But what's the use? It was pretty obvious I was going to be sitting in a corner, mouth shut trying to look interested. I always end up in that position. Except with good friends. And we never get to talk either.
This is horrible. Why am I losing connections with all these people? What is wrong with me? I better start fixing things up, before it's too late. :[
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the need for a title
In journalism, there is always a need for a title. But haven't you noticed how they always have to spin off of something- a song, catch phrase, movie title. Creativity is disappearing quickly.
I'm deep into Into Thin Air. A great read... I just can't put the book down. :[
A point that is stressed over and over again in the book is how Everest is being commercialized. Anyone with enough money and a few months to spare could do the trip. Is it a good thing? Isn't it just bringing the value of the peak down?
A character in the book [which is nonfic of course] coaxes the narrator to come on his guided expedition as "there's already a yellow brick road up to the summit."
Krakauer never really goes out and makes a statement on this as of yet.. Although his assignment was to go out and report on that issue. He does mention that the Sherpas of the area have become Westernized. You'd find people huddling around a TV set, Cub's baseball caps, and jeans.
Increasingly, expeditions to the summit are polluting the base camp area. That's not right. How can we treat the world's greatest mountain, a symbol of nature, so crudely? Why do we feel the need to overpower natural forces?
The author also goes how to tell that the qualifications of a climber have increasingly gone down over the years. Ever since Dick Bass, a rich dude with an ambition, set out to climb the Seven Summits [the highest peak on each continent] common untrained people have set their eye on the summit.
In a comic scene, Krakauer compares Everest to a ball game. Few are actually qualified MLB players, most are just decent local softballers who bribed their way to the big league. And I feel that's just the way it is. They don't belong there. Everest is a prestige earned by hard work and effort- not money.
Money cannot buy everything.
Recently, after watching a movie, I had a keen interest on going to Ladakh. A very pretty place in north India filled with mountains and lakes.I guess wherever you have mountains you've got to have a lake filled with runoff. Maybe that's why I was so appealed to the book. But I've never understood one thing. Why am I so obsessed with water anyways?
For my elective in PE, I plan to go back to the swimming unit. It's been a while since I swam and it makes me sad because it was actually something I liked to do. I was scared of it, but then I liked it. I know I probably won't do much but free swim, but I can't wait to work on my dives..
At the beginning of the year, since the free Man decided swimming was first, I really started to get into dives. I'd do a standing dive and somehow, I managed to get all the way to the bottom of the pool. My ears hurt, but the sensation of falling, falling down 15 feet was really intoxicating. I went down again and again and again until my ears told me to stop.
I also tried to do a flip off of the diving board. I was really apprehensive of it at first, but somehow I mustered enough courage to execute it and.. I landed on my back. :] It hurt, my back felt like it was on fire, but I guess it was better than a belly flop. Can't wait for swimming again. :D
That reminds me.. When I was around 8, I went for private swimming lessons. And at the end of each season, I'd get a little printout that said something like "You swam like a fish this year." It would always bring a smile to my face, and then I would proceed to go down the plastic slide that one would find on a playground, that went into the pool. That teacher was scary, strict, yet fun. I wonder why I stopped taking lessons there...
The sky is a nice shade of cyan. I should be outside; why am I on the computer?
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Uplifting
I feel so uplifted right now. I'm doing what I want to for the first time in a while. Reading Into Thin Air, and it's really interesting. Mountains have always been an object of curiosity to me, and I'd never seen life from the perspective of a climber. It's a tough life, filled with risks. Everyone can't be lucky, unfortunately.
I feel asleep while reading the book and I really like doing that because I think reading brings a sense of peace over you, which is even more than the kind of peace you have when tucked into a warm cozy bed. Falling asleep while reading gives the brain more time to actually reflect on what was read, even if it's subconscious.
I woke up half an hour ago, feeling quite groggy. I headed over to the computer and started to chat with some buddies. Lethargy was starting to take over, so I decided to go with Pillsbury's advice. Run up and down the stairs!
My mind really cleared up! And I don't feel so groggy anymore! Exercise also brought about this bout of energy. I feel excited and more animated than before!
Why are we contained in the prison of moods. Must we feel grouchy, or have sudden bouts of energy? Why can't we just be the way we want to be?
If I could fly away, I would fly to Canada. I've only been there once, but I remembered I liked it. There's some Frenchies there, so my taking French wouldn't go to waste.. I just want to live in a friendly society. Some place simple, some place with a smile. I'll have to look around to find it..
I would like to go to Switzerland very much. In 8th grade I had to research about it, and it seemed like a wonderful place to be. Mountains, beautiful lakes, chocolate. Does it get any better?
I keep wondering what I'll do when I grow up. And somehow I can't shake the idea of being a teacher. I mean it's great! You get to teach others about something that you are interested in. You get to give people knowledge that can never be taken away from them. You make them a little smarter. You help them, give them advice if they care to listen. You help shape the world.
I've always been grateful of my teachers. I may complain about some [AHEM KIM COUGH COUGH], but even then I'm grateful that they're helping me to know more.
I think the teacher who I've been able to see at work the longest is my music teacher. I've been learning under her since 6th grade. She's strict, has a firm voice, yet always says she loves us when she yells at us.
Just yesterday, I got the boot in the music exam. I jumbled my words and got a question wrong, and she threatened to kick me out, when I did better than most in the class. But I knew she was yelling at me to improve. And I'm too lazy and never practice until the day before the class. My bro follows suit.
My music teacher is a middle aged lady, conservative yet supportive of Obama. She is sweet when you're on her good side, and is ready to make you cry when she's frustrated. Most people make fun of her. I don't think that's right.
A girl in my w4p class goes to the same teacher. I knew from the start she was uncomfortable in class, and it showed in the way she rolled her eyes while singing at a performance. I felt sorry that she was forced into it. But then she started calling the teacher a fat ..... I completely disagreed.
Jayashree Aunty, if anything, is hardworking and dedicated. She books herself with classes around the clock from little kids to adults. And she never really complains. She devotes her life to spreading the message of ancient composers, yet people still don't appreciate her.
I find it the same with other teachers. Why do people only focus on their faults and not their pluses?
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I feel like the spirit of this thing is sort of dying. What am I trying to accomplish on this blog anyways?
Today I skipped 6th and 7th period to see my mom off to Dubai, where she'd go to India. We chatted and joked until she had to leave. And after she went into the gate, me and my bro went on 2 rounds of the SF train thing around the airport, waiting for my mom's flight to take off.
I was afraid I wouldn't see it, but luckily, we managed to spot the white tailed flight going down the runway. I ran to the roof of the garage and saw it take off! It was beautiful.. I wish I could fly!
I felt a need to stare at it until it became a small black line the size of this: -. I thought that if the plane was that big, my mom must be 1/100 of "." It is interesting to think of your mom as an atom.
We drove back home to see an accident, shattered glass everywhere. Looked like one person was trying to merge, then got hit in the back by a pickup truck. I hope no one was injured...
My brother skipped a level in music. Lucky duck. He got to skip like...1.5 years of material!!! I think that's pretty legit considering how strict my teacher is. Despite that, I still can't get myself to practice for the exam on Sunday. :[
I feel like I'm just living. Maybe I'm succeeding, maybe I'm not. I'm able to be. It makes me happy.
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Break down the Wall
My best buddy's stat had this quote: "Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."
Isn't that so true? That was the story of my life these past few years.. Not that many people broke down the walls... Why?
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I'm sitting outside... There's a nice breeze that makes my hair not captured in the hood of my brother's jacket quiver. My computer's rendition of "Chalamela" is the only thing heard in the vicinity. And the occasional jingle of Blazer's leash.
I hear a fence being opened. Maybe it's my neighbors.
The wind's icy fingers are enlocked in my own. I am fighting them, keeping my fingers moving. Trying to keep the warmth in me. But the wind is gentle, soft, calming. I let the wind take my hand in his.
My palms, upraised, radiate a small breeze. I have never realized how beautiful they were. The wind's hands are gentle, stroking my hands like one would to a baby. Maybe the wind is a loving female..
The wind has died down and I continue my typing as the birds chirp in the distance. A hum and whoosh, a car has passed by. Hoot. Hoot. A bird mourns from a nearby cypress tree. Why is it so sad? Why will it not smile for me?
The weed between the cracks of cement in front of my doorstep is nowhere to be seen. I loved that plant. Where has it gone?
All the other plants stand stock still. They don't even move in response to the wind's friendly greeting. How cold. How mean. Why don't the roses sway in response like the cypresses? Why don't the lavenders shake their petals? Why is everything so still?
A dog barks in the distance, probably fresh gossip for the other dogs in the block. Have these dogs who are separated by all these fences ever met? What are they thinking? What are they saying?
The sky is that boring shade of cyan. And a dissonant honking sound indicates the arrival of geese in the sky, on their own path. Those 8 dots in the sky are welcoming to me, they provide me refuge from the ever so boring painted sky.
I hear some shuffling, then the slam of a door. What are my neighbors up to?
Another car passes by. No one is in the streets. Everyone is at home, watching TV or on the computer. How strange. I'm on the computer outside.
The buzz of an airplane gets fainter and fainter, leaving that white cloud in its traces.
The slam of a car door. Someone is leaving the house. Or maybe they're getting something from the car. Groceries perhaps? Maybe a receipt needed to return that shirt which was too big?
A faded purple Welcome mat faces the column of the front porch. A chalk drawing of a "mugu" is planted where that mat should be. A square with loops at each corner, a flower of beauty, welcoming the Goddess of the Wealth inside. And any flies for that matter.
Objects in the distance seem to have a light edge to them. Maybe it's just because I'm not wearing my glasses. Half an hour ago I looked at myself in the mirror. Who are you?
I smell garlic bread, it's light aroma is hooking me on. Why is that even when we don't need something, we get tempted to have it anyways? I'm not even hungry...
Why am I writing this thing? I am escaping music practice, trying to put the details I see onto paper, or text... I must get back to practice now.. I don't want to let my music teacher down tomorrow... Farewell!
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Un crayon du bonheur
"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn’t go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination."- Robert Fulghum
Let's put a smile on a person's face. It's easy, so why don't we do it more often?
I love it when people show love to all sorts of people. A person I know shows respect to everyone.. it's just heartwarming how she can make anyone feel comfortable. Even my bro!
I saw a nice scene yesterday. I looked out the window, and I saw on my driveway a sort of aura of white light. The sun was setting, yet for some reason it was all white. Its white beams reflected off the brown, wet driveway. It was beautiful. I still don't have a camera... And words don't capture anything very well..
Each day I am afraid to read a book on my own. I am afraid of not catching every detail. I feel that I won't want to read unless I capture every single detail the author has spun. I can't will myself to read anymore..
When I walk home, I notice all these details, and I am sad that I can never remember them. I love them for a second then forget.. Why must we forget what we love so quickly?
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Rain, Rain Come Again...
This picture is a beauty. The moment I found it, I just wanted to cherish it.. Rain is one of the most beautiful things that I experience.
I have been a selfish child, keeping to myself and not talking to others.. Yesterday, for the first time in months I felt like a new person. I could connect to people. And for some reason, everyone seemed to listen to one another.. That made my day.
I realized today how much I've been ignoring my good friend.. She's been there all along, yet I never reached out to her. I kept in my own bubble. And I guess being alone is satisfying for the moment, but you don't really get anything out of it in the long run..
I don't have much else to talk about. Still feel a bit confused, but definitely happier.
I went with that friend to Kennedy today after school. We met Vierhus, Hembry, and Sharma. It makes me happy to see that your teachers are so caring and happy to see us.. I guess it's interesting for a teacher to see how we all develop over time. See us change for the better.. I guess that's why I want to be a professor of something. I can research, do whatever I like..
I have time to figure out what to do.. I just can't wait to figure it out..
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eau-minous
For PE elective I chose swimming. None of my friends from Freeman chose it. :[ We did 20 laps. I did mostly breaststroke 'cause my left ankle sent biting sharp pain when I did flutter kick in free or back.
After my 20 laps, I was ambling around. I said hi and scared She who sells seashells on the seafloor by coming up underwater between her and Deer. Seashells was teaching Deer how to do some strokes. After a bit, I went to the far end to do some divesss. Some people were hogging the real diving boards which are all springy, so I dived off the wall.
I like standing dives. You start feet on the ground, one leg bent, arms in the air, and you spring and end up flipping 180 degrees, so your hands are headed straight for the bottom. I went pretty deep until my ears started to cry in pain. So I came back up.
I started doing some more laps with Roo and her friends. I tried hanging around with them, but they didn't really seem to accept me, so I guess I can focus on building endurance on my own over the next few weeks.
The only problem with swimming is the showering. I have some nice smelling body wash I got with the Dove soap pack we got from Costco, along with some shampoo and conditioner from a hotel. :] 3 people borrowed from me... I hope I don't run out soon! I had to rush out of the shower to go to the CSF meeting today... It was not pretty. It's so hard to get your clothes on when you're wet and you don't have a changing stall.
I think it's not fair. People in swimming deserve some sort of stalls... And then when people change in the bathrooms to preserve their privacy, they get yelled at. Honestly, it's better to change in the bathroom than reveal yourself... :[
When I was doing my 20 laps, I realized that I hadn't swum since September. And that made me sad because I actually like swimming a lot even though I suck at it. It's calm, soothing, yet also fast as you rip through the water. I guess I chose swimming because I like water. And it was raining while we were swimming! FUNNNNNNNN IN THE RAINNNNN.
After school, I went to the optometrist's and then came home to realize I forgot my Lit Binder. I decided to bike to school to get it. As I rounded the curve on McC I realized that I had never gone down the treacherously steep hill on bike before. I decided to go for it anyways and downn I went. It was so MUCH FUNNN. The wind flew in my face, as I held onto the brakes for my life. I guess after you see kids biking down hill to get to school you get scared that it's dangerous. They come real close to the cars. But we all have to take some risks right? Or else life gets boring.
On the way back, I chilled at the creek. I spent some time by the big rock by the badminton courts and then by the steps by the butterfly place... I love the creek.
It feels good to be outside and doing something. I should bike more often. I also have to figure out how the heck the gears work. I felt overly tired... I think I was biking on the wrong gear. Most of the time I was on 3... Is that right?
My hair is turning light brown. I have a feeling it'll get lighter. Maybe I will be a dirty blonde by the end of the year... Haha Indian blonde. I'm with you HWLLDGI! :]
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disapointed
Yesterday, I was waiting for the email which would tell me whether or not I got into journo next year. And I didn't make it. I was slightly put down, but I guess I knew I wasn't really going to get in. I'll apply as an incoming senior and take photo next year then. :]
But I guess not everyone is able to take the rejection lightly. Stephelococcus took it lightly. But I could see DK's anguish at her rejection. I felt bad too. She was really into it, and really wanted to get into online.
It hurts to be turned down. How should we deal with it? Should we have been so attached to it in the first place? It hurts to be confident about something and have that thing turn around and give you a nasty shock. I'm okay though. I just hope everyone didn't take the rejection personally! There's always next year. And that time we'll get the priority. :D
Just went to a family friend's house. They had a pooja and lunch. But me and my bro were the only people out of the circle of friends there and we found ourselves sitting alone on the sofa with my dad. I guess once groups are formed, no one wants to come out of them. No one really goes out of their way to see if one person is comfortable. And it's really sad because we were good friends too. She sounded as if she wanted to be with the other people, yet she still stopped by to ask a few questions about school. I tried to have a convo with her friends. It lasted less than thirty seconds.
A week ago, I had called her maybe 4 times to ask about her experience with the night contacts I'm wearing. And I felt sad when she asked "what I wanted when I called so many times". This is why I don't like words. You use the wrong words and you get a whole meaning. Maybe you don't mean to sound rude or annoyed, but you still do. I still adore you as a friend. We've had good times. I just don't want our relationship to fall apart so hopelessly like this. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should have gone upstairs with the rest of the girls. But what's the use? It was pretty obvious I was going to be sitting in a corner, mouth shut trying to look interested. I always end up in that position. Except with good friends. And we never get to talk either.
This is horrible. Why am I losing connections with all these people? What is wrong with me? I better start fixing things up, before it's too late. :[
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the need for a title
In journalism, there is always a need for a title. But haven't you noticed how they always have to spin off of something- a song, catch phrase, movie title. Creativity is disappearing quickly.
I'm deep into Into Thin Air. A great read... I just can't put the book down. :[
A point that is stressed over and over again in the book is how Everest is being commercialized. Anyone with enough money and a few months to spare could do the trip. Is it a good thing? Isn't it just bringing the value of the peak down?
A character in the book [which is nonfic of course] coaxes the narrator to come on his guided expedition as "there's already a yellow brick road up to the summit."
Krakauer never really goes out and makes a statement on this as of yet.. Although his assignment was to go out and report on that issue. He does mention that the Sherpas of the area have become Westernized. You'd find people huddling around a TV set, Cub's baseball caps, and jeans.
Increasingly, expeditions to the summit are polluting the base camp area. That's not right. How can we treat the world's greatest mountain, a symbol of nature, so crudely? Why do we feel the need to overpower natural forces?
The author also goes how to tell that the qualifications of a climber have increasingly gone down over the years. Ever since Dick Bass, a rich dude with an ambition, set out to climb the Seven Summits [the highest peak on each continent] common untrained people have set their eye on the summit.
In a comic scene, Krakauer compares Everest to a ball game. Few are actually qualified MLB players, most are just decent local softballers who bribed their way to the big league. And I feel that's just the way it is. They don't belong there. Everest is a prestige earned by hard work and effort- not money.
Money cannot buy everything.
Recently, after watching a movie, I had a keen interest on going to Ladakh. A very pretty place in north India filled with mountains and lakes.I guess wherever you have mountains you've got to have a lake filled with runoff. Maybe that's why I was so appealed to the book. But I've never understood one thing. Why am I so obsessed with water anyways?
For my elective in PE, I plan to go back to the swimming unit. It's been a while since I swam and it makes me sad because it was actually something I liked to do. I was scared of it, but then I liked it. I know I probably won't do much but free swim, but I can't wait to work on my dives..
At the beginning of the year, since the free Man decided swimming was first, I really started to get into dives. I'd do a standing dive and somehow, I managed to get all the way to the bottom of the pool. My ears hurt, but the sensation of falling, falling down 15 feet was really intoxicating. I went down again and again and again until my ears told me to stop.
I also tried to do a flip off of the diving board. I was really apprehensive of it at first, but somehow I mustered enough courage to execute it and.. I landed on my back. :] It hurt, my back felt like it was on fire, but I guess it was better than a belly flop. Can't wait for swimming again. :D
That reminds me.. When I was around 8, I went for private swimming lessons. And at the end of each season, I'd get a little printout that said something like "You swam like a fish this year." It would always bring a smile to my face, and then I would proceed to go down the plastic slide that one would find on a playground, that went into the pool. That teacher was scary, strict, yet fun. I wonder why I stopped taking lessons there...
The sky is a nice shade of cyan. I should be outside; why am I on the computer?
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Uplifting
I feel so uplifted right now. I'm doing what I want to for the first time in a while. Reading Into Thin Air, and it's really interesting. Mountains have always been an object of curiosity to me, and I'd never seen life from the perspective of a climber. It's a tough life, filled with risks. Everyone can't be lucky, unfortunately.
I feel asleep while reading the book and I really like doing that because I think reading brings a sense of peace over you, which is even more than the kind of peace you have when tucked into a warm cozy bed. Falling asleep while reading gives the brain more time to actually reflect on what was read, even if it's subconscious.
I woke up half an hour ago, feeling quite groggy. I headed over to the computer and started to chat with some buddies. Lethargy was starting to take over, so I decided to go with Pillsbury's advice. Run up and down the stairs!
My mind really cleared up! And I don't feel so groggy anymore! Exercise also brought about this bout of energy. I feel excited and more animated than before!
Why are we contained in the prison of moods. Must we feel grouchy, or have sudden bouts of energy? Why can't we just be the way we want to be?
If I could fly away, I would fly to Canada. I've only been there once, but I remembered I liked it. There's some Frenchies there, so my taking French wouldn't go to waste.. I just want to live in a friendly society. Some place simple, some place with a smile. I'll have to look around to find it..
I would like to go to Switzerland very much. In 8th grade I had to research about it, and it seemed like a wonderful place to be. Mountains, beautiful lakes, chocolate. Does it get any better?
I keep wondering what I'll do when I grow up. And somehow I can't shake the idea of being a teacher. I mean it's great! You get to teach others about something that you are interested in. You get to give people knowledge that can never be taken away from them. You make them a little smarter. You help them, give them advice if they care to listen. You help shape the world.
I've always been grateful of my teachers. I may complain about some [AHEM KIM COUGH COUGH], but even then I'm grateful that they're helping me to know more.
I think the teacher who I've been able to see at work the longest is my music teacher. I've been learning under her since 6th grade. She's strict, has a firm voice, yet always says she loves us when she yells at us.
Just yesterday, I got the boot in the music exam. I jumbled my words and got a question wrong, and she threatened to kick me out, when I did better than most in the class. But I knew she was yelling at me to improve. And I'm too lazy and never practice until the day before the class. My bro follows suit.
My music teacher is a middle aged lady, conservative yet supportive of Obama. She is sweet when you're on her good side, and is ready to make you cry when she's frustrated. Most people make fun of her. I don't think that's right.
A girl in my w4p class goes to the same teacher. I knew from the start she was uncomfortable in class, and it showed in the way she rolled her eyes while singing at a performance. I felt sorry that she was forced into it. But then she started calling the teacher a fat ..... I completely disagreed.
Jayashree Aunty, if anything, is hardworking and dedicated. She books herself with classes around the clock from little kids to adults. And she never really complains. She devotes her life to spreading the message of ancient composers, yet people still don't appreciate her.
I find it the same with other teachers. Why do people only focus on their faults and not their pluses?
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I feel like the spirit of this thing is sort of dying. What am I trying to accomplish on this blog anyways?
Today I skipped 6th and 7th period to see my mom off to Dubai, where she'd go to India. We chatted and joked until she had to leave. And after she went into the gate, me and my bro went on 2 rounds of the SF train thing around the airport, waiting for my mom's flight to take off.
I was afraid I wouldn't see it, but luckily, we managed to spot the white tailed flight going down the runway. I ran to the roof of the garage and saw it take off! It was beautiful.. I wish I could fly!
I felt a need to stare at it until it became a small black line the size of this: -. I thought that if the plane was that big, my mom must be 1/100 of "." It is interesting to think of your mom as an atom.
We drove back home to see an accident, shattered glass everywhere. Looked like one person was trying to merge, then got hit in the back by a pickup truck. I hope no one was injured...
My brother skipped a level in music. Lucky duck. He got to skip like...1.5 years of material!!! I think that's pretty legit considering how strict my teacher is. Despite that, I still can't get myself to practice for the exam on Sunday. :[
I feel like I'm just living. Maybe I'm succeeding, maybe I'm not. I'm able to be. It makes me happy.
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Break down the Wall
My best buddy's stat had this quote: "Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."
Isn't that so true? That was the story of my life these past few years.. Not that many people broke down the walls... Why?
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I'm sitting outside... There's a nice breeze that makes my hair not captured in the hood of my brother's jacket quiver. My computer's rendition of "Chalamela" is the only thing heard in the vicinity. And the occasional jingle of Blazer's leash.
I hear a fence being opened. Maybe it's my neighbors.
The wind's icy fingers are enlocked in my own. I am fighting them, keeping my fingers moving. Trying to keep the warmth in me. But the wind is gentle, soft, calming. I let the wind take my hand in his.
My palms, upraised, radiate a small breeze. I have never realized how beautiful they were. The wind's hands are gentle, stroking my hands like one would to a baby. Maybe the wind is a loving female..
The wind has died down and I continue my typing as the birds chirp in the distance. A hum and whoosh, a car has passed by. Hoot. Hoot. A bird mourns from a nearby cypress tree. Why is it so sad? Why will it not smile for me?
The weed between the cracks of cement in front of my doorstep is nowhere to be seen. I loved that plant. Where has it gone?
All the other plants stand stock still. They don't even move in response to the wind's friendly greeting. How cold. How mean. Why don't the roses sway in response like the cypresses? Why don't the lavenders shake their petals? Why is everything so still?
A dog barks in the distance, probably fresh gossip for the other dogs in the block. Have these dogs who are separated by all these fences ever met? What are they thinking? What are they saying?
The sky is that boring shade of cyan. And a dissonant honking sound indicates the arrival of geese in the sky, on their own path. Those 8 dots in the sky are welcoming to me, they provide me refuge from the ever so boring painted sky.
I hear some shuffling, then the slam of a door. What are my neighbors up to?
Another car passes by. No one is in the streets. Everyone is at home, watching TV or on the computer. How strange. I'm on the computer outside.
The buzz of an airplane gets fainter and fainter, leaving that white cloud in its traces.
The slam of a car door. Someone is leaving the house. Or maybe they're getting something from the car. Groceries perhaps? Maybe a receipt needed to return that shirt which was too big?
A faded purple Welcome mat faces the column of the front porch. A chalk drawing of a "mugu" is planted where that mat should be. A square with loops at each corner, a flower of beauty, welcoming the Goddess of the Wealth inside. And any flies for that matter.
Objects in the distance seem to have a light edge to them. Maybe it's just because I'm not wearing my glasses. Half an hour ago I looked at myself in the mirror. Who are you?
I smell garlic bread, it's light aroma is hooking me on. Why is that even when we don't need something, we get tempted to have it anyways? I'm not even hungry...
Why am I writing this thing? I am escaping music practice, trying to put the details I see onto paper, or text... I must get back to practice now.. I don't want to let my music teacher down tomorrow... Farewell!
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Un crayon du bonheur
"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn’t go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination."- Robert Fulghum
Let's put a smile on a person's face. It's easy, so why don't we do it more often?
I love it when people show love to all sorts of people. A person I know shows respect to everyone.. it's just heartwarming how she can make anyone feel comfortable. Even my bro!
I saw a nice scene yesterday. I looked out the window, and I saw on my driveway a sort of aura of white light. The sun was setting, yet for some reason it was all white. Its white beams reflected off the brown, wet driveway. It was beautiful. I still don't have a camera... And words don't capture anything very well..
Each day I am afraid to read a book on my own. I am afraid of not catching every detail. I feel that I won't want to read unless I capture every single detail the author has spun. I can't will myself to read anymore..
When I walk home, I notice all these details, and I am sad that I can never remember them. I love them for a second then forget.. Why must we forget what we love so quickly?
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Rain, Rain Come Again...
This picture is a beauty. The moment I found it, I just wanted to cherish it.. Rain is one of the most beautiful things that I experience.
I have been a selfish child, keeping to myself and not talking to others.. Yesterday, for the first time in months I felt like a new person. I could connect to people. And for some reason, everyone seemed to listen to one another.. That made my day.
I realized today how much I've been ignoring my good friend.. She's been there all along, yet I never reached out to her. I kept in my own bubble. And I guess being alone is satisfying for the moment, but you don't really get anything out of it in the long run..
I don't have much else to talk about. Still feel a bit confused, but definitely happier.
I went with that friend to Kennedy today after school. We met Vierhus, Hembry, and Sharma. It makes me happy to see that your teachers are so caring and happy to see us.. I guess it's interesting for a teacher to see how we all develop over time. See us change for the better.. I guess that's why I want to be a professor of something. I can research, do whatever I like..
I have time to figure out what to do.. I just can't wait to figure it out..
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